Friday, July 29, 2011


Hello Universe!?!? What's the purpose of 'tears' if you don't feel any better after they have fallen? What's the point of being capable of falling down on the ground and getting back up if the laws of gravity are going to pull you down anyway? Sometimes this life is driven by the things that don't make sense. Sometimes 'laws' need to be broken. Sometimes theories don't apply to everyone. Sometimes human nature isn't the force that pushes us to do things. Sometimes the things we are capable of, like tears, make no real damn sense but are somehow suppose to be the product of a cure for sadness. When we cry alone, no one is there to give you a hug, a pat on the back, to tell you it's okay, or to hand you a Kleenex. It's almost like an insult to injury, especially if the tears are tears of loneliness. It's possible for tears to actually make a person feel worse. No one likes to feel weak. Many of us don't cry. Many of us are taught that it's not right to cry. Many of us are told to 'suck it up' so much in our lives that when it comes to tears, they just don't fall. But then! suddenly something breaks every once in awhile. A brick gets soft and self com-busts and the wall starts coming down. The floodgates release and there we are, drowning in our very own salty ocean. These could be tears of pure joy and accomplishment or they can be the dark tears of a crushed soul. Either way, for some of us, these tears suck in a big way. The more we hope for them to end, the more they fall. In this world of technology, we can reach out to just about anyone at any time and feel a connection to someone that may pull us out of the funk. The curse of technology is that most people don't know the physical emotions of the person on the other end of the connection. You can't see someone crying in a message. You can't see someone being destroyed when it is so easy to type 'lol' after everything. I guess the curse of technology is also a beautiful thing for those that like to hide weakness. I wonder if and when it will ever become acceptable for someone to walk down the street covered in tears and distortion and not be ignored by the world. I wonder when it will be okay for people to reach out to others on a deeper level instead of skimming the surface like glass cleaner on a window. Sometimes glass needs more than a good wash. Sometimes it just needs to be replaced before that knick turns into a crack and that crack turns into shattered pieces of glass in-bedded into someone else's flesh. I wonder what it would take to get people to start connecting beyond the surface and from out behind a screen and keyboard. Don't you ever just miss the human touch? Don't you ever want to look into someone's eyes to see if they are really listening? really caring? telling the truth? Doesn't anyone else miss that? I spend a few hours a day with a few people behind a computer monitor. Uplifting, inspiring, motivating, just listening and comforting....what ever it takes to keep them going on the healthy choices and lifestyles they desire and a lot of the time, our mental health is what keeps us from having the body we so desire. We would rather eat than sweat. It's true for most of us. We would rather eat than confront the thing going on below the surface. It's emotionally draining to hear other's suffer and to be stuck behind a monitor when you really would rather just be there with them. I feel so limited. I feel so much and I think sometimes I am one big cluster F of emotions that is ready to explode on the next person that actually pays attention. 

Tears. Tears. Tears. 
I wish I was 'enough' to everyone that matters.
Maybe somehow typing this and knowing that people will read it may make me feel better in someway. Maybe it will make you feel better in someway...knowing that there is still heart in the world, you are not alone, and most importantly, I do take the time to care about just about everyone. 

Today I might be weak, but tomorrow I will be stronger because of it.
Take that positive thought with you too, when you fall down. 
It helps me get back on firmer foundation much quicker.