Thursday, December 16, 2010

Rebellion. I can't help myself!

Hello Blog. Since we last parted I promised to drop some more pride and caffeine and begin a new relationship with water. I have somehow managed only 2 canned sodas a day for the past 2 days. Day 1 of water was a failure. I didn't realize how lazy and captivated by my baby I had become. For some reason there was just not enough time or hands to get myself water from the sink. I again I used the excuses of having to hold my daughter, chase the dog, Facebook, and cook (actually we ordered Chinese but it still sounded good to me!) to not be able to get myself water. I decided I was being ridiculous with the whole water thing and actually may have found myself stomping my foot while I was silently protesting in my mind. I quickly realized that my excuses were all very made up and that in fact, I do recall having a few minutes here and there to get myself a glass of ice water but to help myself get over my need to rebel I decided I would pick up bottled water. It was so fool proof. I amazed myself. So day 2 was amazing! I drank water. I drank the thing I said I was going to drink more of and I felt a great sense of accomplishment (after my first bottle). When I got to bottle number 3 for that day, I realized something. Plastic bottles are horrible for the environment. So quietly in my mind I am hoping that my 8 year old hippyish daughter who insists on saving the world ALL THE TIME, doesn't realize her mom is about to kill a good portion of it by drinking bottled water because my rebellious side won't allow me to take a few selfish minutes a day to drink from the tap (and subconsciously it actually desires a nice cold Coke in all it's fizzing glory.) Am I making sense to anyone? If I am, than Welcome to Crazy Town! To sum up a few things, I am so caught up in being a good mom that I forget that a good mom should make time to keep herself hydrated by nature's greatness, water. So here I am day 3 of less soda more water and I am struggling. My head is banging. I am going on very few hours of sleep. Last night was a series of 90 minute naps with diaper changes and screaming baby in between. We have hit a bit of a detour with Gladys' good health. What was suppose to be an easy fix for double ear infections turned out to be not so easy. It resulted in a bad yeast infection...that resulted in a new prescribed cream...that resulted in an allergic reaction...that resulted in a new antibiotic for the ears...that resulted in getting a shot in her thigh each day for 3 days...that resulted in a bigger rash...that resulted in 3 bathes a day and diaper changes every 2 hours and lots of air time....that resulted in a pile of poop in a play pen and getting peed on. I picked a fine time to go into a 'selfish mode' of thinking. Apparently, I am meant to be more of a mother than a leading lady at this time in my life. I silently did some praying in between my never ending string of naps and diaper changes and asked for a little bit more clarity on this purpose that I am trying to find. I did wake up clear minded as I realized that the rash is now half the size it was yesterday morning. Like that rash, (now bear with me this is strange) it started out small and someone came along and gave it a bad day and it grew...and it grew...and it was getting loaded with meds and creams and pretty soon it was 10 times the size and painful... after ONE day of doing nothing...absolutely nothing but diaper changes and bathes that rash became less...and less...and as days go by...and less is done....the rash will continue to be less and less. Isn't that like us? We put on some weight 
(especially after someone tells us we are fat) and to make it go away we try all sorts of things like pills, diets, programs, exercises...pretty soon our weight is up and we claim we tried but actually we just tried to cheat. No pill. No med. No program. is gonna do it for us! Nothing worth having comes easy. Like the nasty rash, when left alone and with a little persistent general maintance, it will go away! With a few small changes, a lot less pride, back to basics I (we!) go. Drink Water! Don't eat after 8pm. Don't eat on the couch, in bed, or while watching tv. To fight a junk food urge, grab water. These are all basics that we love to forget or ignore and if you are me, love to rebel against. I've been watching what I eat and trying to just keep portions in mind while sticking with what I like. Not so easy. I challenge everyone to watch serving sizes. I took notice and have really disgusted myself with the habits I have created. For example, saltine crackers serving size is 5. I love to dip mine in tuna and miracle whip as a snack. A lot of times I will eat an entire can of tuna  with an entire package of crackers (box has 4 packages). I used to think that was a pretty healthy snack and now I am thinking PIG! So I tried to just eat the suggested portions and felt completely starved not slightly satisfied like I was hoping. I tried to drink a whole bottle of water to see if maybe that was the trick. Nope. Didn't work. I had somehow convinced myself in the next 5 minutes following that realization that I was starving! So I finished off what I normally would have and swore I would just skip a meal to make up for it. But not even an hour later...guess what my rebellion was telling me? Cook lunch! Prepare dinner! You are starving woman! So I ordered Chinese food. Enough to feed a small army. I have since decided that food and I will not be having discussions anymore so forgive me if I don't talk about my food journey while we are sweating it out through the 30 day Shred. Clearly, that part of my life is going to take some prayer and maybe an exorcist. I will however keep on keeping on with water...oh, and cookies. I forgot to mention my new no cookie rule. When I was younger I hated cookies. I ate them because everyone else did and I always tried to do what everyone else was doing. So I think my cookie eating days were built out of a habit to try to fit in. NO more! I am saying goodbye to cookies. I don't normally eat them but I thought it couldn't hurt to give myself that rule since I know maybe those following along might actually benefit from my no cookie eating rule also. My mind is screaming REBELLION right now...probably because I have given myself a rule and my mind has always existed on the theory that rules are meant to be broken. SO anyone got a good cookie recipe to share?  Don't answer that.