Monday, February 14, 2011

Victory is MINE!

I haven't blogged in a while. Forgive me? I've been busy losing weight and enjoying the weather and my new found happiness. I've always thought I was a pretty happy person. I had no idea that pain and sweat could result in elated joy! I've never discussed the real numbers in my blog but now that I know that others are on this same journey and so many of you have shared your numbers to me in private, I think it time that I really start sharing with you! 

I started my journey as a size 14/16 and depending on my milk production, dresses and shirts could go up to a size 18! I never felt too bad about being busty until I seen those numbers going up and up and knew that busty was no longer a key factor. Duh, reality sucks. After about 6 weeks of pain, sweat, and a lot of tears, I am squeezing myself into size 9/10 jeans and Medium/Large/12 tops and dresses. It's frustrating to go shopping. So many brands and so many different fits. I decided that I was not going to wear a brand that says I am a size 12 when another brand says I am a 8 or 10. I like knowing the size that I put on my back is the size that I want to be not have to be. I am completely anti to any brand name that tells me numbers that seem outrageous to me! I started off weighing at my most 206 and now at my least I weigh 173! I realize that I have a long ways to go. I also know that reality is that I weighed 140s/150s through out my teenage years and at my slimmest wore a size 7/8. I know that I may never get any lower than that even if the charts tell me something different! My doctor says my ideal weight should be around 160 and to prove to myself and to her, I want to blast through the ideal. I don't know how other bodies work but I gain muscle very fast. I tend to bulk up faster than I slim down. I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to make my muscles leaner verses bigger. If you have ideas, I would love to hear them. I have noticed drastic upper body changes. I have a rib cage! and no more rolls under the arms pits and my arms, pfft! near solid. I no longer slap myself in the face when I lift my arm to wave. But beyond all my physical changes, that maybe only I can see, I feel an inner strength that wasn't there before. I feel empowered with every move I make. I decided to make each and every day a solid day by making my actions count. When I pick up the girls' toys, I squat with intention. When I go to the store, I move a little faster. When my family decided to take a walk in the park yesterday, I took full advantage of owning a jogging stroller, and I jogged! and had Rhonny ride her bike. I can see a whole new year ahead of us. I can see a much more active lifestyle happening and I am indeed THANKFUL! for these gifts. I hope that I can spread my energy into all faucets of my life and into anyone that I come into contact with. I hope to spread the joy that I feel in my heart out to the people that I love.

I also have to tell you people that me and food have been talking everyday for a few weeks now. I haven't shared these conversations because I wanted to get strong in my knowledge and know that I can stick with this. I found out, that I can! I have started calorie counting and making calories count. I am on a 1500 calorie 'diet'. I don't like the word 'diet'. I guess it's more like a 1500 calorie lifestyle. That word sounds nicer. I don't eat junk. Period. I don't eat out unless I know that there is a low calorie option and that I can resist the temptations of anything not good for me. I started out limiting myself to only soups, salads, and sandwiches for a week. It was a quick way for myself to stay within my limits. That week was awesome. I felt great energy and never was hungry. I never desired a snack or junk food. Week 2 was harder. I learned to make my meals as low calorie as possible. I avoided salad dressings, toppings, any little thing that can add a little unnecessary calories JUST so that I could manage a candy bar at the end of my day. That worked really well for me that week. Week 3 I was trying to cut out anything and everything I could so I could eat 2! candy bars at the end of the day. That didn't work so well. I was hungry and hungry and hungry! I realized what I was doing and now this week I am putting myself back to 'reality'. All of my calories have to count. So before I take a bite, I ask myself if what I am eating will sustain, nourish, hydrate, and purify. It's not about satisfying the craving. It's about not having the craving to begin with! When I feel myself craving something, I tell myself that craving is a lot like lust and lust is a sin! Yeah, seems ridiculous but it's working for me. I have caught myself needing an apple, or needing a bottle of water and I smile. I realize in those moments that those cravings are being replaced by clean, pure thoughts and my body is beginning to take care of itself. My changes are becoming habits! Victory is MINE! 

If you haven't already, I would love for you to share your experiences with me. You can follow me on Facebook or we can email. Let's do this together! You are never alone and I always need the extra inspiration.


Michelle Wilson said...

What an awesome post! You are definately inspiring! I became an official yo-yo in the weight gain dept about 6 years ago and have struggled since. I've tried most of the diets around and find it very frustrating. I've come to recognize my two limiting factors; I don't want to out in the time necessary to exercise an hour a day and 2. I don't want to give up oreos and ice cream. I realized yesterday that the frustration I felt wasn't because I ciuldnt lose weight- I was angry that that deep inside I had already decided I the effort was too great and I was mad at myself. Talk about deep! Now the key is to get the same fire that you have and just got for it! Keep it up Steph! You inspire me!!!